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The Importance of Marital Generosity

Friday, March 02, 2012

Turns out the smallest gestures can go a long way in successfully combining marriage and parenthood. A report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families found that making your partner a cup of coffee or giving your lover a back rub after a long day at work makes for greater marital happiness.

In examining ten aspects of modern social life and relationships, ranging from sexual satisfaction to religious faith to shared housework, researchers surveyed 2,870 couples and found that spouses benefit when they practice the “ethic of marital generosity.” This virtue basically gets at how husbands and wives go out of their way to be affectionate or forgiving. (Not surprisingly, sexual satisfaction and a sense of commitment were the only two traits that exceeded generosity in contributing to relationship happiness.)

So if bettering your most precious, personal relationship is your goal, seek to give more goodness “freely and abundantly,” as these were the qualities the study used to define generosity. Men and women who scored highest on the survey’s generosity scale were much more likely to rate being “very happy” in their unions, with such kindliness of particular value to those with children.

In realizing such happiness, partners can start by asking themselves a series of questions: What can you do to go above and beyond what’s normally expected of you in contributing to your relationship and household? How can you try to be more affectionate? What little gestures can you make that ultimately foster more happiness in your marriage? How can you show your partner more respect? How can you be more forgiving of your partner’s mistakes or failings to date or from here on out?

The more that you can volunteer to take on a task, seek to share responsibilities, and give more goodness, the better both of you will be able to manage the strains of marriage, from the financial to the emotional. And if you have a baby on the way, or are well into childrearing, plan to majorly step up. Researchers found that all of these efforts are even more critical – and rewarding – in combining marriage with parenthood.


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Like Her a Lot? Consider Keeping It a Secret.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It sounds like such a game, but playing hard-to-get may be the best strategy in attracting a gal. Recent research published in Psychological Science is reporting that keeping a woman guessing about your interest, at least initially, is what draws her in.

Such conclusions were drawn after presenting 47 college women at the University of Virginia with four fictitious, attractive, likeable, undergraduate male Facebook profiles. Participants were told that these male students at two other universities had viewed her profile, as well as those of about 20 other female college students, and rated the degree to which they thought they’d get on with each given the opportunity to get to know her better.

The women were most attracted to men whom they weren’t sure liked them a lot or who liked them simply “average.” Such is grabbing given that people tend to like people who like them. Yet being kept in the dark appears to have an even stronger draw. With so many singles, especially women, sick of dealing with players, the question is “why??”

Typically, people tend to think that it’s the challenge the ups interest. And certainly, keeping a potential mate at arm’s length can add to the allure and the desire to win somebody over. After all, when we work hard for something, the rewards tend to garner a great deal more satisfaction. The “prize” become that much more attractive.

Social scientists are speculating, however, that the reason for the attraction is much simpler than all of that. The desire to want what you at least think you can’t easily have may simply be due to finding yourself thinking about the person that much more.

With earlier research indicating that feeling uncertain increases one’s thoughts about an unpredictable situation, it’s this uncertainty that can be mistaken for attraction. It’s presumed that having “X” on the brain must mean a crush - or something more…

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