You can rest easy, gals. Turns out there’s nothing “wrong” with your vulva after all. A study published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology has declared that most women seeking genital cosmetic surgery to reduce the size of their inner lips do not have oversized or misshapen labia minora.

Such findings feel liberating until you consider that the researchers themselves may be perpetuating the designer vulva problem. While the investigators determined that 30 of the 33 women had labia with dimensions within the normal published limits, the other 3 women’s vaginal lips were sized up as having “significant asymmetry,” as in a mean (SD) of 26.9 (12.8) mm on the right side of the vulva and 24.8 (13.1) mm on the left side.

This gave them the green light for NHS-covered surgery at the University College London hospital clinic, where the research was based. The clinic can only perform surgeries on females whose genitalia measure outside of what’s considered normal. 

Yet what is meant by “normal”?

Dr. Sarah Creighton, gynecologist and the study’s lead investigator, is quoted as saying “there is little information about what is normal,” with her team encouraging the publication of more large-scale data on normal labial measurements. Such commentary indicates that, as depicted in pornography and advertisements, vulvas are indeed supposed to have a certain look. Anything outside of a range would, otherwise, be considered abnormal.  

The fact of that matter is that, when it comes to genitalia – or one’s breasts or one’s testicles - what’s normal is to have a wide range of sizes. What’s normal is for one side of a person’s body to be anywhere from a bit to a lot bigger, longer, fatter, smaller… than the other side. Asymmetry is the norm when it comes to people’s body parts!

The main concern with genital cosmetic surgery isn’t determining who should and shouldn’t be eligible for such services; it’s the need to counter the misperceptions of what is normal that ultimately cause distress.

In helping to quell women’s aesthetic concerns about their vulva, we need to start by educating them about the human body and the influence of cultural expectations and appeal on what’s supposedly desirable. We need to continue the campaign being waged by women around the world that diversity is beauty. And we need to target females when they’re young.

The average age of the 33 aforementioned participants was 23, with one-quarter 16 or younger, and the youngest a mere 11-years-old. Forty percent wanted smaller labia “to improve appearance,” a stat made even more unnerving when you consider that all participants were referred by general practitioners who felt that surgery was appropriate treatment. Now just how “normal” is that?

Looking for something hot to do this weekend? Why don’t you get carnal and… cuddle? A recent study conducted at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, involving more than 1,000 couples from five countries, suggests that it’s quite important for – men.

That’s right, despite rampant stereotypes pegging women as the more romantic gender, research shows that it’s the guys who find kissing, cuddling, and caressing more important than women when it comes to happy relationships.  More men than women also report being happy in their relationship, a finding made even more interesting when you consider that more women reported being sexually satisfied. (This was especially true for those gals who had been in their relationship for at least 15 years.)

All of this challenges traditional gender-role beliefs claiming that men are more sexually-oriented, while women are more love-oriented. Men, supposedly, only provide touch and affection to seduce and have sex. Yet research in various arenas regularly suggests that many men are real romantics:

• Studies consistently show that men can separate love and sex, but their most erotic experiences take place in the relational context. It is the emotional that makes it special.

• Men hold more romantic views of male-female relations than do women.

• Men tend to fall in love earlier in relationships. It has also been found that men tend to show more brain activity than women in regions associated with visual processing, especially the face, perhaps enhancing a male’s ability to fall in love and explaining why men generally fall in love faster than women.

• Men tend to cling longer to a dying love affair, e.g., three times as many men as women commit suicide after a disastrous love affair.

Even if they don’t always admit it, many guys desire some tender love and care from their partner on a regular basis. Whether a counselor, therapist, educator, or lover, those concerned with cultivating happy relationships need to do more in acknowledging and supporting a male’s touch needs too. 

Could speaking a foreign language change the way you engage your partner sexually? While recent research out of The Hong Kong Polytechnic University doesn’t answer this question directly, it does highlight the influence one’s linguistic efforts have on a social context.

Researchers found that native Chinese students who were fluent in English took on traits regarded as more ‘typical’ of English versus Cantonese speakers in speaking English. According to both self-reports and behavioral observations, these participants became more extroverted, assertive, and open to new experiences when speaking their second (vs. native) language.

This link became even more marked when participants spoke English to a Chinese versus Caucasian interviewer, with their “English-speaking” personality traits more prominent with the latter. Thus, the article, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, concluded that there appears to be a link between one’s personality traits and language, given “perceived cultural norms, language priming, and interlocutor ethnicity on various personality dimensions.”

While researchers didn’t go anywhere near one’s sex personality specifically, as someone who recently released Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover, which offers simple lines of erotic talk in foreign languages, it’s natural for the sexually inclined to wonder if one’s sexy state of mind changes, too, given linguistic efforts. With people often taking on the prototypic traits associated with a language’s culture, how they think the native speakers express themselves activates certain behavioral expressions. Hence, sexual expressiveness stands to be influenced in practicing sexy talk as well.

In the case of English as a second language, a person may become more assertive in his or her amorous efforts. In the bedroom, this could be erotically enticing as a lover changes his or her mannerisms, tones, and overall sex personality. One’s inclination to enhance cultural contexts via language could further change up sexual contexts as lovers reveal a side of themselves never known.

With previous studies showing that language impacts one’s values, self-concept, and how the speaker relates to others, couples can explore the erotic transformation that can only come with a second language. Better yet, their amorous efforts can focus on becoming polyglots. In speaking multiple languages, you could potentially have “multiple personalities” in the sack, exponentially increasing the passion potential in your boudoir as you keep things fresh and exciting in Swedish, German, Spanish, Italian…

Are you in a monogamous relationship? If so, you may need to second-guess that “yes.” Recent research out of Oregon State University has found that 40% of both married and unmarried couples, ages 18 – 25, have only one partner stating that the pair agreed to be sexually exclusive, while the other holds that such an agreement was never made.

Other findings drawn from the sample size of 434 heterosexual couples included almost 30% of those who had explicitly agreed to be monogamous reporting at least one partner having gone outside of the relationship for sex. Being married and having kids did not increase the couple’s likelihood of having agreed upon monogamy. In fact, having children made it less likely for lovers to have an agreement in place.

The culprits, according to researchers: miscommunication and misunderstanding when it comes to the meaning of monogamy. Couples aren’t having conversations around what it means to be “monogamous.” And it’s this lack of discourse that can lead to what appears to one to be emotional betrayal, as well as health risks, including sexually transmitted infection.

So can you, without a doubt, claim to be in a monogamous relationship? When it comes to research findings like these, it’s always easy to think that such information “doesn’t apply to me.” People often have the mentality that their relationship is different or special, especially if there have been declarations of love or wedding vows, (with the latter, understandably, interpreted by many as a testament to be monogamous, unless otherwise agreed). But for many, at least young couples, it’s what’s not said that’s causing problems.

In making sure that you’re in the kind of relationship you want to be in, you need to confirm that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to being monogamous – or not. Personally, I’ve initiated such conversations by stating, “I don’t like to share” once the relationship reaches a certain level. Such hinting then becomes more unambiguous in stating wants, needs, and desires, including monogamy.

This is necessary, too, when it comes to safer sex practices, especially in no longer using protection, as is the case for a number of couples with supposed sexual exclusivity. It is also vital in protecting yourself emotionally.